I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You can't special order awesome
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
