I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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