It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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