"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
