She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
