The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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