Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Randomize
