checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
