So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
