Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
