..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
