I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You've changed since you got that strap on
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
