So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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