Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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