I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
