I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
