I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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