I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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