It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
