The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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