You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
