i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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