Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
