Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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