remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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