toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
