I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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