"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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