It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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