i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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