After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
