I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
