don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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