allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
