Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
