i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
