EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
