Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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