Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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