I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
