i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
