So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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