She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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