I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
