I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
