The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
