Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
