I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
