Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
