Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
