I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
third nipple confirmed
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
