I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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