Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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