I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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