I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
