She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
